Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Motherhood - the fastest path to enlightenment

A long time ago I came across a beautiful quotation by an enlightened man which said if you want to spiritually progress get married and if you want to get enlightened quickly have children. I had my children earlier then most of my friends. I was chatting with a very old friend recently who said, “No one tells you how hard motherhood is.” I too agree that motherhood poses 'challenges' but I would not say it is the hardest thing in the world it is simply a change that needs adjusting to. The enlightenment, personal growth or whatever you want to call it is simply a mother’s ability to accept change and to love unconditionally. One is provided with 9 months to but when your baby finally graces you with its presence it is so very overwhelming that no matter how much you prepare there is not much you can do but accept that it is here to stay and welcome the journey into the unknown together.

Pregnancy and motherhood are instinctive, interactive states of being which are experiential. You can read every book, blog and scientific paper in the world but until you get pregnant and have your baby you cant experience it. And the experiences will not only be yours they are shared ones with the unique baby you have. Now as a second time mum I can go so far as to say when you do it again the second time it will be similar but different as your baby is another totally unique being.

Motherhood is above all a state of mind, which is shared though the invisible life long bonds you share with your baby. After being brainwashed by parenting books you are in the state of mind the books have put you in so if your books prepare you for those inextricably hard difficult experiences you will meditate on those and manifest them. You will expect to corner most of the difficulties set out in the books and as you focus on what you don’t want to happen you meditate on all those negatives and through the unbreakable mother baby bond you will manage to convey those thoughts to the baby who in turn will ensure that you both experience whatever you focus on. This is why in most cultures mother’s to be are asked to focus on happy and positive thoughts.

I recommend trying to meditate on what you do want from your baby. Focus on having a quiet baby, a healthy baby, a happy smiley baby a baby who coos at you expend your mental energies meditating on those things and it is likely that you shall have them. In my experience as an alternative therapist I can confirm that babies are so linked to their mother's that if a mother experiences stress the baby displays it and most paediacticians will diagnoise the babies behaviours as cholic. Paediatricians will prepare you to suffer the colic and crying for a few hours for months of your babies life and you will prepare yourself and your baby for that experience. It is a great idea to note when your baby starts to display colickey behaviour? Is it when the sun goes down and your baby is scared of the dark? Do you tend to cover your baby with clothes intending to keep him or her warm at a certain time that bother him or her? Try to change your routines and it just may work our for the best.

When you get pregnant you are well aware of all the hormonal changes but even those are subtle compared to what happens when the baby comes. Hormones cause huge shifts in mood. Every mother is prone to a certain amount of drama if not a full fledged tantrum from time to time. The one thing the new mum needs to understand is that she can squarely blame the hormones all she needs to do is to put these episodes behind her and keep going and doing whatever is needed for her well being and the babies. Self blame and self loathing they help no one and waste precious time and they will disturb the precious little bits of sleep one manages to catch so its best to just do away with those useless feelings. So mothers my advice is just take every day which feels like a year when you have a new baby as it comes try to be as happy as possible but don't be too hard on yourself if you do have an episode. Accept that life has changed forever but the hormones will normalise soon and you will feel like yourself again. Until them be kind, forgiving and understanding with yourselves and focus on only what is important for baby and you.

When it comes to your baby trust your own instincts and do take into account what the baby wants and needs he or she is sure to let you know in one way or another. It is just a matter of figuring out what works for baby and you if the baby does not like the way the hospital showed you to bathe it or to be swaddled like a mummy the way your granny or mother in law wants just don’t do it. Forget whatever you have read in the books and whatever your friends, family and well wishers have told you. A great save is to blame your doctor, it is so simple to say the doctor said there is no need to do x, y or z for this particular baby and leave it at that.

Now the one thing that has been taken too far by the medical fraternity is the issue of breastfeeding. If you have milk flowing through you to the extent that it can feed and satisfy your baby great for you. But if you just cant seem to lactate or lactate sufficiently know that you are not the most awful mother in the world. These days the standard line is feed your baby and you nurture and love it but there are some of us who just cant manage to feed our babies. As long as you can let go of your ego and feed your baby formulae or whatever it is you are a good mother. You can still place your baby on your body for warmth and cuddles and you will bond beautifully with your children regardless or your ability to ooze breast milk at will.

Motherhood is what you make of it. Like life motherhood is flexible and full of choices so why limit yourself and frustrate yourself if the norm does not work for you. There will be hurdles and you will just have to figure out the best way for you to get through them. Life is full of options if you cant jump over them its ok there are no rules preventing you from going under them or just walking a few steps back and going around them. Life is so very full of options just take whatever is easiest and works for you and your baby.

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