Thursday, 6 September 2012

Healing Boutique: Getting Unstuck

Everyone goes through a dark time, the worst time, the feeling of sinking in emotional and mental quicksand. It is how we deal with the situation that helps us extract ourselves from it ...being "emotional" and "sensitive" is an excuse you can well live without...

Getting Unstuck

Every one of us has experienced a "dark time" in our lives. There is not a person on who is spared that feeling of falling into emotional and mental quicksand from where there is no respite and no matter what you do to try to extricate yourself from those circumstances all you manage is to make things worse and you are left with the feeling that your stuck in a never ending tunnel of darkness. While it is true that everyone experiences these feelings and thoughts from time it is a fact that not everyone chooses to advertise them. There are those who get so hopelessly lost in their problems that in time they become the problem. There are others who choose to smile through their problems while wallowing in misery, while others still select the many other ways of trudging through their worst times. If you are feeling blue or that darkness has descended upon you and you feel alone, your not you need to stop with the self pity if you want to move on and away from your problems. Take solace in the fact that you at present are one of the millions or even billions dealing with issues you find hard to physically, emotionally and mentally process and deal with. No one is spared this drama and trauma it is just a matter of time when we all need to trudge through these circumstances. Even if you think that there are those who seem to float through life with no worries but that is never the case. Such people just know how to deal with their problems constructively while controlling their innate urge to wallow in their miseries and pity themselves as most do. The key is to focus on the issues at hand not on how you feel. Stating you are a "highly emotional person" is just another way of saying I am incapable of dealing with life and more prone to creating drama and suffering trauma rathe then resolving my problems. Being "Emotional" and "Sensitive" is an excuse which you think may work but in reality it only hurts and harms you. The next time you feel like indulging in an orgy of self pity or are envying another for succeeding when you feel your failing, give the other person the credit for focussing and resolving their problems, not fixating on themselves and how cheated, hurt, pained, small, etc etc they feel in the same circumstances. Remember everyone deals with situations, circumstances and problems differently. If you fail where others succeed then it is you who needs to take charge of yourself and do whatever it takes to stop yourself from getting out of whatever you feel trapped in. Envying someone else is a waste of time. You need to assess your situation, focus on your problems and just get on with resolving your issues. Whatever your issues you need to take responsibility and work through whatever crops up as you are empowered to resolve your own issues.As a therapist I have heard, seen and assisted many out of this state of being "Stuck" and I have discovered that the key to getting unstuck always lies with the person who is stuck. It is only when you are willing to make an effort to work on yourself that you will discover choices and options to resolve your problems open out to you that you felt were not options before. My book "Help Yourself Get Unstuck*" was written as a tool to help others navigate through the worst times to get to the very best of themselves and their lives. The book contains exercises, visualizations, mantras and other techniques that allow you to take control of yourself and your circumstances, accept responsibility, forgive yourself and others, let go of the past, make choices and reassess your options in order to help yourself get unstuck and live the life you desire. * Help Yourself Get Unstuck is available online at: Smashwords :

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Healing Boutique: Motherhood - the fastest path to enlightenment

Healing Boutique: Motherhood - the fastest path to enlightenment: A long time ago I came across a beautiful quotation by an enlightened man which said if you want to spiritually progress get married and if ...

Motherhood - the fastest path to enlightenment

A long time ago I came across a beautiful quotation by an enlightened man which said if you want to spiritually progress get married and if you want to get enlightened quickly have children. I had my children earlier then most of my friends. I was chatting with a very old friend recently who said, “No one tells you how hard motherhood is.” I too agree that motherhood poses 'challenges' but I would not say it is the hardest thing in the world it is simply a change that needs adjusting to. The enlightenment, personal growth or whatever you want to call it is simply a mother’s ability to accept change and to love unconditionally. One is provided with 9 months to but when your baby finally graces you with its presence it is so very overwhelming that no matter how much you prepare there is not much you can do but accept that it is here to stay and welcome the journey into the unknown together.

Pregnancy and motherhood are instinctive, interactive states of being which are experiential. You can read every book, blog and scientific paper in the world but until you get pregnant and have your baby you cant experience it. And the experiences will not only be yours they are shared ones with the unique baby you have. Now as a second time mum I can go so far as to say when you do it again the second time it will be similar but different as your baby is another totally unique being.

Motherhood is above all a state of mind, which is shared though the invisible life long bonds you share with your baby. After being brainwashed by parenting books you are in the state of mind the books have put you in so if your books prepare you for those inextricably hard difficult experiences you will meditate on those and manifest them. You will expect to corner most of the difficulties set out in the books and as you focus on what you don’t want to happen you meditate on all those negatives and through the unbreakable mother baby bond you will manage to convey those thoughts to the baby who in turn will ensure that you both experience whatever you focus on. This is why in most cultures mother’s to be are asked to focus on happy and positive thoughts.

I recommend trying to meditate on what you do want from your baby. Focus on having a quiet baby, a healthy baby, a happy smiley baby a baby who coos at you expend your mental energies meditating on those things and it is likely that you shall have them. In my experience as an alternative therapist I can confirm that babies are so linked to their mother's that if a mother experiences stress the baby displays it and most paediacticians will diagnoise the babies behaviours as cholic. Paediatricians will prepare you to suffer the colic and crying for a few hours for months of your babies life and you will prepare yourself and your baby for that experience. It is a great idea to note when your baby starts to display colickey behaviour? Is it when the sun goes down and your baby is scared of the dark? Do you tend to cover your baby with clothes intending to keep him or her warm at a certain time that bother him or her? Try to change your routines and it just may work our for the best.

When you get pregnant you are well aware of all the hormonal changes but even those are subtle compared to what happens when the baby comes. Hormones cause huge shifts in mood. Every mother is prone to a certain amount of drama if not a full fledged tantrum from time to time. The one thing the new mum needs to understand is that she can squarely blame the hormones all she needs to do is to put these episodes behind her and keep going and doing whatever is needed for her well being and the babies. Self blame and self loathing they help no one and waste precious time and they will disturb the precious little bits of sleep one manages to catch so its best to just do away with those useless feelings. So mothers my advice is just take every day which feels like a year when you have a new baby as it comes try to be as happy as possible but don't be too hard on yourself if you do have an episode. Accept that life has changed forever but the hormones will normalise soon and you will feel like yourself again. Until them be kind, forgiving and understanding with yourselves and focus on only what is important for baby and you.

When it comes to your baby trust your own instincts and do take into account what the baby wants and needs he or she is sure to let you know in one way or another. It is just a matter of figuring out what works for baby and you if the baby does not like the way the hospital showed you to bathe it or to be swaddled like a mummy the way your granny or mother in law wants just don’t do it. Forget whatever you have read in the books and whatever your friends, family and well wishers have told you. A great save is to blame your doctor, it is so simple to say the doctor said there is no need to do x, y or z for this particular baby and leave it at that.

Now the one thing that has been taken too far by the medical fraternity is the issue of breastfeeding. If you have milk flowing through you to the extent that it can feed and satisfy your baby great for you. But if you just cant seem to lactate or lactate sufficiently know that you are not the most awful mother in the world. These days the standard line is feed your baby and you nurture and love it but there are some of us who just cant manage to feed our babies. As long as you can let go of your ego and feed your baby formulae or whatever it is you are a good mother. You can still place your baby on your body for warmth and cuddles and you will bond beautifully with your children regardless or your ability to ooze breast milk at will.

Motherhood is what you make of it. Like life motherhood is flexible and full of choices so why limit yourself and frustrate yourself if the norm does not work for you. There will be hurdles and you will just have to figure out the best way for you to get through them. Life is full of options if you cant jump over them its ok there are no rules preventing you from going under them or just walking a few steps back and going around them. Life is so very full of options just take whatever is easiest and works for you and your baby.

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Healing Boutique: Save Yourself from Pain: the Middle Path of Modera...

Healing Boutique: Save Yourself from Pain: the Middle Path of Modera...: "I seem to have a lot of patients these days with what I term as Excess Personality Disorder. This afflicts strong willed individuals who ran..."

Save Yourself from Pain: the Middle Path of Moderation

I have a lot of patients these days with what I term as 'Excess Personality Disorder'. This afflicts strong willed individuals who range from the completely hedonistic and materialistic (those who identify, define and classify their world in terms of material things, money and social status) and those whom I describe as the Metropolitan Ascetics (the stoic with the 'I am more superior then thou' attitude. They type that embrace the life-style a sadhu would be proud of while holding down a successful corporate job).

The reason why both ends of the spectrum end up as my patients, apart form the fact that they can afford me, is the manner that they choose to define themselves which results in the loss of the remainder of their being. Identification and focus on one aspect of one's life simply results in the excess of the point of focus to the detriment of every other facet of one's being. The materially minded get totally lost within their material and physical selves neglecting all else and the spiritually focused tend to neglect their physical and material aspects. In both it can be noted that the emotional aspect is neglected causing an emotional void on certain facets of existence not intervening on their chosen personality path causing a massive imbalance.

Scientifically under the ambit of Western Psychology it has been experimented and proven that humans require certain experiences in life to grow into their personality. Maslow's theory clearly defines stages of human development which need to be transcended in order to proceed to the next stage of development. If every stage is not transcended in its proper order then there will always be something amiss within that individual a form of imbalance.

Philosophically the ancient Hindu's slotted in timelines for every human to go through life with certain goals to be achieved from education, through marriage, family and the fulfilment of social obligations till the time came that one needed to withdraw form society and work on their soul in mediation. Both the Western Psychologists and Ancient Indian Philosophers clearly stress that there is a time and a place for everything and everything needs to be taken care of as and when the physiological, emotional, psychological and spiritual need arises or the natural order is affected, which results in an imbalance.

Western physicians focus on 'homeostasis', which is perfect functioning within a human being's internal physiological functions. Energy therapists go beyond that as they factor the balance of not just the physical but also the emotional, psychological or spiritual quotient. In order to understand this in greater detail is is necessary to understand the basics of energy anatomy: every individual has auras(energy surrounding the body) and chakras (points within which energy bodies, nadis/meridians converge). Every chakra controls a particular physical organ and every chakra also has an emotional, psychological and spiritual phenomenon associated with it. If one does not satisfy every aspect of human desire and experience one tends to then have an imbalance, which immediately translates into physical pain, which is linked and causes emotional and mental trauma to highlight the imbalance.

Energetic diseases and pains are the bane of most Western physicians for they are unable to detect the cause of such pain with X-Rays and MRI's. I term this stage of pain as "Mystery Pain" as most patients I get come to me after being fobbed off by a "proper doctor" who is unable to diagnose anything. Proper doctors tend to treat such patients as hypochondriacs if rich (as its tolerable for patients who can pay to waste a doctor's time) and poor patients are treated with disdain and dismissed as lazy (as they need medical certificates and letters to be able to shirk work). Such patients come to me as a last resort as they have nowhere to turn with their pain. I do agree it’s a tough call as this pain is undetectable in the initial stages as it is concentrated in the energy body. However, if not dealt with holistically (physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually) it tends to suddenly manifest in the physical body and has the capability to metamorphisise into something disastrous overnight.

The body always gives us the blessing of pain first to take note of the imbalance and correct what needs to be before it evolves into a physical manifestation, which you cannot ignore. I consider pain as a signal from the soul to set right one's being and live life by satisfying every urge and feeling as long as there are no repercussions of pain and suffering to others. Believe it or not if you do cause pain and suffering to others you may be able to shut out your mental voice or your consciousness, but your soul will inflict upon you a reminder in pain which you will have to deal with in one way or another. In extreme cases when one is very disconnected from one's soul one feels nothing for years or one manifests an accident or incident which will force you to deal with the pain and uncover and re-visit what you have neglected.

So how can you avoid pain? How can you live a balanced life? How can you be happy and healthy? Embrace every aspect of your existence and satisfy it but do so without causing anyone else any grief or pain is great but still a bit unclear. We live in a material world and need a more practical answer, which resonates with our lives to be able to live a pain-free, balanced, healthy and happy life.

As human beings we have no choice but to live in the material world we do and we also have no choice that we are spiritual beings and connected to more then the physicality of our existence. So how do we the spiritual being in the material world gain balance? The answer lies in doing both. Living in the material world and enjoying material things to the fullest, by enjoying and bringing on happiness our emotional being is also satisfied. But at the same time we need to regularly connect to our spiritual nature, experience happiness and gratitude (again fulfilling the emotional being within us) so as to attain a material-spiritual balance.

I remember reading a passage from a book on the industrial revolution in England. I read it years ago but it stayed with me for years as I thought it was ridiculous as it said that the middle class enjoyed the best health and a happier existence. Today having actually meditated on this I agree with this statement. I am sure it can be attributed to the fact that the middle class were spared the excesses presented physically, emotionally and psychologically by poverty and the excesses easily procurable by the wealthy. This actually sheds light to the key of all avoidance of pain: the middle path - MODERATION. Life must be lived in moderation.

Saturday, 4 June 2011