Getting Unstuck

Every one of us has experienced a "dark time" in our lives. There is not a person on who is spared that feeling of falling into emotional and mental quicksand from where there is no respite and no matter what you do to try to extricate yourself from those circumstances all you manage is to make things worse and you are left with the feeling that your stuck in a never ending tunnel of darkness. While it is true that everyone experiences these feelings and thoughts from time it is a fact that not everyone chooses to advertise them. There are those who get so hopelessly lost in their problems that in time they become the problem. There are others who choose to smile through their problems while wallowing in misery, while others still select the many other ways of trudging through their worst times. If you are feeling blue or that darkness has descended upon you and you feel alone, your not you need to stop with the self pity if you want to move on and away from your problems. Take solace in the fact that you at present are one of the millions or even billions dealing with issues you find hard to physically, emotionally and mentally process and deal with. No one is spared this drama and trauma it is just a matter of time when we all need to trudge through these circumstances. Even if you think that there are those who seem to float through life with no worries but that is never the case. Such people just know how to deal with their problems constructively while controlling their innate urge to wallow in their miseries and pity themselves as most do. The key is to focus on the issues at hand not on how you feel. Stating you are a "highly emotional person" is just another way of saying I am incapable of dealing with life and more prone to creating drama and suffering trauma rathe then resolving my problems. Being "Emotional" and "Sensitive" is an excuse which you think may work but in reality it only hurts and harms you. The next time you feel like indulging in an orgy of self pity or are envying another for succeeding when you feel your failing, give the other person the credit for focussing and resolving their problems, not fixating on themselves and how cheated, hurt, pained, small, etc etc they feel in the same circumstances. Remember everyone deals with situations, circumstances and problems differently. If you fail where others succeed then it is you who needs to take charge of yourself and do whatever it takes to stop yourself from getting out of whatever you feel trapped in. Envying someone else is a waste of time. You need to assess your situation, focus on your problems and just get on with resolving your issues. Whatever your issues you need to take responsibility and work through whatever crops up as you are empowered to resolve your own issues.As a therapist I have heard, seen and assisted many out of this state of being "Stuck" and I have discovered that the key to getting unstuck always lies with the person who is stuck. It is only when you are willing to make an effort to work on yourself that you will discover choices and options to resolve your problems open out to you that you felt were not options before. My book "Help Yourself Get Unstuck*" was written as a tool to help others navigate through the worst times to get to the very best of themselves and their lives. The book contains exercises, visualizations, mantras and other techniques that allow you to take control of yourself and your circumstances, accept responsibility, forgive yourself and others, let go of the past, make choices and reassess your options in order to help yourself get unstuck and live the life you desire. * Help Yourself Get Unstuck is available online at: Smashwords :https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210841#longdescr

Motherhood - the fastest path to enlightenment

A long time ago I came across a beautiful quotation by an enlightened man which said if you want to spiritually progress get married and if you want to get enlightened quickly have children. I had my children earlier then most of my friends. I was chatting with a very old friend recently who said, “No one tells you how hard motherhood is.” I too agree that motherhood poses 'challenges' but I would not say it is the hardest thing in the world it is simply a change that needs adjusting to. The enlightenment, personal growth or whatever you want to call it is simply a mother’s ability to accept change and to love unconditionally. One is provided with 9 months to but when your baby finally graces you with its presence it is so very overwhelming that no matter how much you prepare there is not much you can do but accept that it is here to stay and welcome the journey into the unknown together.

Pregnancy and motherhood are instinctive, interactive states of being which are experiential. You can read every book, blog and scientific paper in the world but until you get pregnant and have your baby you cant experience it. And the experiences will not only be yours they are shared ones with the unique baby you have. Now as a second time mum I can go so far as to say when you do it again the second time it will be similar but different as your baby is another totally unique being.

Motherhood is above all a state of mind, which is shared though the invisible life long bonds you share with your baby. After being brainwashed by parenting books you are in the state of mind the books have put you in so if your books prepare you for those inextricably hard difficult experiences you will meditate on those and manifest them. You will expect to corner most of the difficulties set out in the books and as you focus on what you don’t want to happen you meditate on all those negatives and through the unbreakable mother baby bond you will manage to convey those thoughts to the baby who in turn will ensure that you both experience whatever you focus on. This is why in most cultures mother’s to be are asked to focus on happy and positive thoughts.

I recommend trying to meditate on what you do want from your baby. Focus on having a quiet baby, a healthy baby, a happy smiley baby a baby who coos at you expend your mental energies meditating on those things and it is likely that you shall have them. In my experience as an alternative therapist I can confirm that babies are so linked to their mother's that if a mother experiences stress the baby displays it and most paediacticians will diagnoise the babies behaviours as cholic. Paediatricians will prepare you to suffer the colic and crying for a few hours for months of your babies life and you will prepare yourself and your baby for that experience. It is a great idea to note when your baby starts to display colickey behaviour? Is it when the sun goes down and your baby is scared of the dark? Do you tend to cover your baby with clothes intending to keep him or her warm at a certain time that bother him or her? Try to change your routines and it just may work our for the best.

When you get pregnant you are well aware of all the hormonal changes but even those are subtle compared to what happens when the baby comes. Hormones cause huge shifts in mood. Every mother is prone to a certain amount of drama if not a full fledged tantrum from time to time. The one thing the new mum needs to understand is that she can squarely blame the hormones all she needs to do is to put these episodes behind her and keep going and doing whatever is needed for her well being and the babies. Self blame and self loathing they help no one and waste precious time and they will disturb the precious little bits of sleep one manages to catch so its best to just do away with those useless feelings. So mothers my advice is just take every day which feels like a year when you have a new baby as it comes try to be as happy as possible but don't be too hard on yourself if you do have an episode. Accept that life has changed forever but the hormones will normalise soon and you will feel like yourself again. Until them be kind, forgiving and understanding with yourselves and focus on only what is important for baby and you.

When it comes to your baby trust your own instincts and do take into account what the baby wants and needs he or she is sure to let you know in one way or another. It is just a matter of figuring out what works for baby and you if the baby does not like the way the hospital showed you to bathe it or to be swaddled like a mummy the way your granny or mother in law wants just don’t do it. Forget whatever you have read in the books and whatever your friends, family and well wishers have told you. A great save is to blame your doctor, it is so simple to say the doctor said there is no need to do x, y or z for this particular baby and leave it at that.

Now the one thing that has been taken too far by the medical fraternity is the issue of breastfeeding. If you have milk flowing through you to the extent that it can feed and satisfy your baby great for you. But if you just cant seem to lactate or lactate sufficiently know that you are not the most awful mother in the world. These days the standard line is feed your baby and you nurture and love it but there are some of us who just cant manage to feed our babies. As long as you can let go of your ego and feed your baby formulae or whatever it is you are a good mother. You can still place your baby on your body for warmth and cuddles and you will bond beautifully with your children regardless or your ability to ooze breast milk at will.

Motherhood is what you make of it. Like life motherhood is flexible and full of choices so why limit yourself and frustrate yourself if the norm does not work for you. There will be hurdles and you will just have to figure out the best way for you to get through them. Life is full of options if you cant jump over them its ok there are no rules preventing you from going under them or just walking a few steps back and going around them. Life is so very full of options just take whatever is easiest and works for you and your baby.

Accepting the inevitable...Humans Change!

The one thing you can count on in a human being is his or her ability to change. It is not ironic its a fact. We change in every single way imaginable. Superficially we change our hairstyles, make-up, clothes, shoes etc. Physically we grow as per our genetic make up, emotionally and mentally we constantly alter our perceptions, thoughts and are ability to deal and handle situations.

We actually have the potential to change in every second of every day as we process millions of thoughts through our mind, which produce numerous emotional and psychological changes. Those in turn trigger our nervous system which causes the release of hormones and other physical bodily reactions. In this way our physical state also probably unknown to us to some extend does change constantly too.

There are a few things which we can't change and one is the fact that we need to grow out of many things in life due to the fact that we are constantly changing. Shoes, clothes, hairstyles, mobile phones, computers etc all get replaced by newer ones due to many variable factors like fashion, affordability, technological advances etc. we seem to go pretty much as they say with the flow on those superficial things.

One of the saddest things to grow out of is not our sexy youthful bodies or our even our hopes and dreams, it is to outgrow our friends and lovers. One of the hardest things to accept in life is the end of a relationship that one thought would last forever. No matter how bad things get we try to focus on past happiness and keep the relationship there. So many people have friends they have absolutely nothing in common with, or are even downright embarrassed to be seen in public with as their behaviour and attitudes are so contrary. Yet one still plods on like a martyr in the relationship as they just cannot bear to let go. The memory of old loves and fun times are so etched in their memories that they just cannot let go.

The very same is applicable to certain couples who have been in relationships for a very long time. Everyone knows those couples, they exist universally, they never have anything much to say to each other and they at times even seem to loath each other but they just cant let go of each other and are simply tied down by their inability to face the future alone and their partnership is nothing but a crutch to get through life in the safety of a witness to their existence. Such people do not live but live survive like two people shipwrecked onto a raft in a deep and dangerous ocean.

"But why? We were so in love!" is the most common question asked when one is stuck in such a relationship. Oddly enough the reason for this is usually is not "my partner got fat and ugly" or "I am not sexually attracted to my partner" or even "my partner cheated on me", all those things can be remedied and fixed to some extent. What is irreconcilable are changes that result due to life experiences, which in turn affect one's mental and emotional make-up or one's change in attitude to one's spiritual path. In a relationship any if one person progresses or regresses emotionally, mentally or spiritually it will be very difficult for the relationship to stay intact as is known to both partners.

What keeps most relationships intact is when partners change together whether they progress or regress it is done together. It is indeed an outstanding relationship if two people have drifted in their emotions, thoughts and spiritual beliefs and remain "genuinely" together and have a "real" relationship not one for their children or any other reason involving a third party or societal pretences.

Another thing that humans find hard to accept is change from life to death. It is an irrefutable part of life that we will die one day or another. When you live in fear of death all the time why bother to live! You wont live you will waste your entire life waiting for death. Death is a progression into the subtler form. It is like going up a grade or a level in a video game. All you do is drop your physical form like a pile of old clothes that is the only thing you part with. What is left of you will be your best, your personality, character and your true being. If you spend your entire time in your physical form warding off death what you tend to do is warp your personality character and true being thereby failing to achieve all you must in your lifetime. You can't avoid death but you can make the most of your life even if you have one breath left make it count.